“she was a beavers fan, but then she married a duck, so now she’s just not watching football games”

the civil war game is happening. this is when the university of oregon (ducks) play oregon state (beavers). everybody in ashland gets their panties in a wad about this junk which is silly because hello?! we don’t go to either of these schools so why care?

god damn am i sick of fucking football.

When the letter carriers call to tell us that they’re on their way, they usually say, “Hey, it’s Nick/Sally/Matt/etc., I’m on my way with your mail” or, “Hey, I’ll be there in about 5 minutes with your mail.”

Since the dawn of the mail room, though, there was always a certain carrier who never identified by his real name. He would always address himself as Carrier 17. Here are some fun facts about Carrier 17:

• He has a mustache.
• The most infamous Carrier 17 delivery was one time when he called and said he’d be here with the mail in 5 minutes. 3 minutes later, we went outside and he had all the mail on the curb, complaining that he had been waiting for 4 minutes.
• Once, we asked Nick what his carrier number was. Nick didn’t even know they had carrier numbers.

We thought Carrier 17 got fired, but he just delivered to me! Dude didn’t even turn off his truck, that’s how interested he is in speedy mail delivery.

- N

counting dimes. i feel like i’m wasting my life counting away these stupid things. and who is on them. eisenhower? do i give a rats ass about eisenhower? no fiber of my being could possibly care.they’re too small to really stack, but they’re too big that you can’t just count them all. i spend my time building small piles of tiny silver eisenhower bits. it’s the worst part of my job. anybody else have to count change at their job?

This morning I had to put out over 1,000 forms for students to fill out about what meal plan they want for next term, which they then turn back into us or into the Housing office. This is what’s called in mail room parlance as a box stuffer. Box stuffers are usually things like coupons for Pita Pit or halfhearted advertisements for events that the RAs put on.

As the recession started to creep up on us, we convinced Housing that it’s a waste of money to put stuff in mail boxes because students don’t pay much mind to them. In reality, I was more interested in reducing work for me and the college’s carbon footprint, but whatever.

Anyway, it’s really uncomfortable being in the mail room when we’ve just had to put out box stuffers. Here is an example of a typical post-stuffer conversation:

Kid 1: I HAVE MAIL OMG SOMEONE LOVES ME!!!!!
[I will withhold commenting too deeply on how annoying that phrase is.]
Kid 2: Everyone has that bullshit.
Kid 1: What?
Kid 2: Everyone has it, it’s something about [whatever].
Kid 1: UGH. GOD DAMNIT. FUCK MY LIFE. I HATE THE MAIL ROOM.

Seriously.

- N

n and i have been having this war. we both get on facebook while we’re at work.

sometimes i forget to log out of mine and noah always puts my status as “meg loves pooping, farting, and having sex”. he puts it everytime and each time i get like ten comments about how weird this is or what’s wrong with me or hopefully these aren’t at the same time.

i got n back, and i added funyuns.

tied!

-M

moodymondays:

do you think it’s awkward to shout out compliments to strangers, or is this friendly service?

but seriously is this weird. i yelled at some kid “love your backpack”. then box 66 used this pen that’s more of a fake plant then a pen and i told him he was quite courageous to pick that. then a girl returned a vacumm cleaner and she had really curly pretty hair that was put up perfectly and i told her it looked beautiful.

is this going to make people think that i’m awkward and weird or just friendly?

it’s a fine line my friends.

-M

SOME PEOPLE FROM THE FUCKING IRS JUST CAME HERE LOOKING FOR A STUDENT.

- N!

i dunno if we’ve allready mentioned this, but somebody that lived here once signed up for GQ, the men’s magazine, however, all we know about him is that his name is cleveland, because he made his last name be UH-HUHH. so cleveland UH-HUHH, if you’re out there, change your mailing address, dope!

-M

Once upon a time the mailroom had more than three employees. There were two girls that worked here, the liz’s. They brought baked goods and home decor to their jobs. This was nice, because they were great cooks, however, they made these construction paper vases and put fake flowers in them, and hung them up, EVERYWHERE. We’ve slowly been getting rid of them, but it’s taking a long time, so today I put the flowers of one of the vases to good use.

I made us flower pens! In economic crises like these who wants to buy a pen? This way, we’ll never lose the pens. Am I thrifty or wha?

-M

-baskets of some sort for personal possesions

-a portrait of a male with a mustache (preferably a big ol’ honkin’ one) (preferably framed) (the picture of the portrait, not the mustache)

-ridiculous photos and pictures

-liz heffron (to bake us goodies)

When we get the mail, we have the opportunity to briefly converse with the letter carrier (Did you know that mail womyn is considered by some to be a no-no because mail still sounds like male? The more you know!) who brings us our mail. Normally, it is a pretty nice lady or a really nice bearded dude who doesn’t have a cell phone.

Today, the lady was on the phone when she pulled up and then stayed on it the entire time. While I unloaded the mail from the back of her truck, I was fortunate enough to hear all about how this morning she apparently leaned over to spoon her husband(?), and then he farted on her leg.

- N

Every year there is at least one cool freshman who comes in that M and I want to be friends with. But never more than, I would say, five.

Last year, the Mecca of cool freshman was a girl we’ll call NPS (Box 771!). NPS was a babe by all accounts, and had great fashion sense. M had and still has the biggest girlcrush on her. We managed to successfully become friends with NPS through mutual friends and now M looks forward to going to parties and having NPS sit on her lap.

This year, M and my favorite freshman is SP (Box 627!). Last week, M and I were talking about whether the punks like Johnny Thunders or Richard Hell more these days. Turns out, SP was opening her box on the other side of the wall during that conversation, and she came up with a package slip. At this point, she told us that she was going to get a “you can’t put your arms around a memory” tattoo but got “what we do is secret” instead. Since then, we’ve thought she’s the best. But at this point, M and I are juniors! So we feel creepy trying to make friends.

To conclude, who do you like better: Johnny Thunders or Richard Hell?