November 2010
3 posts
FREE TWIZLERS IN THE MAIL!
When we close our window to go do something else we have to tape a slip of paper explaining exactly what we are doing and where we are unless we want every student ever to yell at us always. Our newest batch of slips was made by none other than M. Here are the good three:
“BRB SNAX” with a drawing of a slice of pizza
“BRB MAIL PICKUP” with a drawing of our mail cart and...
Realer Than Real
A student was expelled after harassing our coworker Lela for the entirety of her shift and the very next day a package arrived with a knife sticking straight out of it.
The Post Office has lost three packages in the last month.
“Pulling a Lela” is the new phrase for “toying with a dude’s emotions.”
- N
August 2010
1 post
Broken Window
The service window that we pull up when we’re open is broken. I have no idea how it happened but it did. So I made a sign that says “WE’RE HERE! :) BUT OUR WINDOW IS BROKEN! :( If you need service, please come around to the door by the ladies’ room.”
However, the only people that are staying here right now are big jocky football players. I don’t mean to...
June 2010
1 post
cosmopolitan
naturally, a lot of girls get this magazine, but what weirds me out, a majority of the subscribers are the RA girls, or the girls in your history class that kiss so much ass and know everything and you want to strangle them when they correct the teacher that actually napoleon was three inches shorter than what the professor said.
anyway, cosmo probably makes the top five magazines that use...
April 2010
4 posts
this guy outside is bragging about when he saw...
Fobs
Because an unusually large amount of mail has gone missing this year, our door was replaced with a door that has a fob lock on it. Along with that, every employee of the mail room received their very own fob that they not only get to carry around with them (instead of having to get the key from one of the mail boxes every time you come to work), but also they monitor every time you use it to go...
schemes
perhaps i haven’t written anything because i don’t have time because i’m too damn busy dealing with mountains of packages. often i wonder, how are there this many packages. how do these kids do this? they can’t be doing that much internet shopping” (unless they love woot.com).
i just gave a package to a girl who has adopted a lady named gerda as her grandmother, and...
Reason of the day why my job rocks:
I walked in and saw that N’s bike was already parked and thought to myself “rats, all the bike parking is taken up”
(don’t worry, now our bikes are just besties and i’m gingerly scrambling over them to extract kids packages)(luckily we’ve only had one)
-M
February 2010
1 post
"rotten little asshole peers"
so today i came to work, ready for anything, and completed all of my work. BUT we’re out of stamps, and four kids came up wanting stamps. i had to turn them all away. then, i realized that we only had one pen, and some girl asked if she could borrow it. i said sure but she better return it, glaring at her.
of course she didn’t return it, so after telling the fifteenth kid to sign for...
January 2010
2 posts
ewww testosterone
i’ve been enjoying a very calm, relaxed workday this evening. i’ve been reading the jungle, eating chinese food, and not getting mad at anybody.
i got a certain somebody their package today, in my quiet, calm, relaxed, zen state, and after i handed it to him, with just the counter between us, he let out the manliest “YEAH!” still finishing signing up his name.
he then...
today was a day where i realized how much i really love my job.
we’re one of the only establishments on campus that is totally student run. we get left alone and i can listen to whatever music i want, at mostly whatever volume i want (but some people make snarky comments). i can work at my own pace, and i’m treated and trusted like an adult. i can cut things out of magazines and tape...
December 2009
1 post
overheard
“she was a beavers fan, but then she married a duck, so now she’s just not watching football games”
the civil war game is happening. this is when the university of oregon (ducks) play oregon state (beavers). everybody in ashland gets their panties in a wad about this junk which is silly because hello?! we don’t go to either of these schools so why care?
god damn am i sick...
November 2009
13 posts
Carrier 17
When the letter carriers call to tell us that they’re on their way, they usually say, “Hey, it’s Nick/Sally/Matt/etc., I’m on my way with your mail” or, “Hey, I’ll be there in about 5 minutes with your mail.”
Since the dawn of the mail room, though, there was always a certain carrier who never identified by his real name. He would always address...
2 tags
the worst?
counting dimes. i feel like i’m wasting my life counting away these stupid things. and who is on them. eisenhower? do i give a rats ass about eisenhower? no fiber of my being could possibly care.they’re too small to really stack, but they’re too big that you can’t just count them all. i spend my time building small piles of tiny silver eisenhower bits. it’s the worst...
box stuffers
This morning I had to put out over 1,000 forms for students to fill out about what meal plan they want for next term, which they then turn back into us or into the Housing office. This is what’s called in mail room parlance as a box stuffer. Box stuffers are usually things like coupons for Pita Pit or halfhearted advertisements for events that the RAs put on.
As the recession started to...
WAR!
n and i have been having this war. we both get on facebook while we’re at work.
sometimes i forget to log out of mine and noah always puts my status as “meg loves pooping, farting, and having sex”. he puts it everytime and each time i get like ten comments about how weird this is or what’s wrong with me or hopefully these aren’t at the same time.
i got n back, and i added funyuns.
tied!
-M
i'm at work. and i'm doing this. because i posted...
moodymondays:
do you think it’s awkward to shout out compliments to strangers, or is this friendly service?
but seriously is this weird. i yelled at some kid “love your backpack”. then box 66 used this pen that’s more of a fake plant then a pen and i told him he was quite courageous to pick that. then a girl returned a vacumm cleaner and she had really curly pretty hair that...
YOU GUYS
SOME PEOPLE FROM THE FUCKING IRS JUST CAME HERE LOOKING FOR A STUDENT.
- N!
Cliff Clavin considering running for Senate in... →
While we’re on the subject…
who!?
i dunno if we’ve allready mentioned this, but somebody that lived here once signed up for GQ, the men’s magazine, however, all we know about him is that his name is cleveland, because he made his last name be UH-HUHH. so cleveland UH-HUHH, if you’re out there, change your mailing address, dope!
-M
recession
Once upon a time the mailroom had more than three employees. There were two girls that worked here, the liz’s. They brought baked goods and home decor to their jobs. This was nice, because they were great cooks, however, they made these construction paper vases and put fake flowers in them, and hung them up, EVERYWHERE. We’ve slowly been getting rid of them, but it’s taking a...
1 tag
mailroom shopping list
-baskets of some sort for personal possesions
-a portrait of a male with a mustache (preferably a big ol’ honkin’ one) (preferably framed) (the picture of the portrait, not the mustache)
-ridiculous photos and pictures
-liz heffron (to bake us goodies)
grosssssssss!
When we get the mail, we have the opportunity to briefly converse with the letter carrier (Did you know that mail womyn is considered by some to be a no-no because mail still sounds like male? The more you know!) who brings us our mail. Normally, it is a pretty nice lady or a really nice bearded dude who doesn’t have a cell phone.
Today, the lady was on the phone when she pulled up and then...
October 2009
23 posts
cool freshmen
Every year there is at least one cool freshman who comes in that M and I want to be friends with. But never more than, I would say, five.
Last year, the Mecca of cool freshman was a girl we’ll call NPS (Box 771!). NPS was a babe by all accounts, and had great fashion sense. M had and still has the biggest girlcrush on her. We managed to successfully become friends with NPS through mutual...
dependency
Here at the mailroom, we depend on a lot more external forces to keep ourselves running than we probably should:
1) Instead of just keeping the cashbox back here and not having to worry about it, we have to give it to the cafeteria across the hall for them to put it in their safe. Usually, they don’t give it to us in the morning until we’re able to say, “Hey, there’s a kid...
Brats.
On Wednesdays, I am supposed to open the window at 4 (it is closed from 12-2). Our hours, which are posted right above the window, reflect this. I got in at 3:55 so I grabbed the inter campus mail and went down to Housing to drop it off, so that I wouldn’t have to do it during hours that the window should be open.
I got all the stuff and walked back into the building at the turn from 4:00...
perks
so when we get something that is stamped with presorted standard, it mostly means it’s garbage, but sometimes, we get some really cool stuff.
for instance, right now i’m resting my elbow on a free rectangle of tempurpedic foam. yes, it is indeed quite exquisite. i may make myself some tea that we got for free from the republic of tea. every job has it’s perks, you just have to...
"The current backlog of 9 million to 30 million... →
As someone who deals with maybe 200 pieces of mail a day between USPS packages and letters, UPS, and FedEx, I find myself feeling bad even for these scabs.
- N
today i helped the boy who has box 222 open his box. he obviously doesn’t get much mail, but he did today, so he had to get into it. after opening his box, he came up and paid for an envelope and a stamp. probably three minutes after (i’m guessing the time it would take to read a letter), he came back, all flustered and shoved the stamped envelope and said i could give it to whoever...
today i helped two different people with two different rip michael jackson t-shirts. one of them was really terrible because it said aloha, rip mj. hawaii apparently has cashed in on his death too, and how does aloha on an rip t-shirt make a lick of sense? hey dead guy! all i’m saying, is i’m going to be waaaay more upset when prince dies…
-M
Currently, this kid is yelling WHAT THE FUCK and...
Kid: I'm here to pick up a package.
Me: Do you have a slip?
Kid: No.
Me: Then you don't have a package.
Kid: No, I just haven't checked my mailbox.
Me: You should check it.
Kid: I don't even know how to open it!
Me: You should figure it out!
Kid: Come on! Just get it for me, it's right over there.
Me: I can't, it's illegal.
Kid: It's not illegal!
Me: Yes it is. Do it yourself.
- N
Happy Birthday Moody Mondays! →
(via chemistryofcool)
The mailroom was closed today! Because of this! (And because of Columbus Day, but Columbus sucks and M rules).
- N
(Old) Mail News: World's best mailman gets... →
IF YOU HAVE A PACKAGE THERE WILL BE A SLIP IN YOUR...
HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU
- N
post its
so at the mailroom we have this rolly, metal window that we close when we’re gone and we have post its to tape to it that say what we’re doing or why it’s closed. a bunch of them got lost or broke, so i made us some new ones. the first one is practical. mail pickup. the next one says “super stressed and sorting packages and mail. don’t bother us unless you want your...
american baby
what kind of college student subscribes to this magazine?! we’ve recently gotten the halloween issue in, and five different people recieved it. why do these kids need to know what to name their kid or how to lose their baby bump? and more importanly, why is a certain boy recieving this magazine? are people just baby obsessed or something? if this is the case, i think that’s insane!
-M
Bad Form!
Earlier today a kid came and got a package. He walked away for a while before coming back with an empty box and asking where he could find a place to throw away cardboard. I told him that there was a cardboard dumpster in the back of the building.
A few hours later, M and I left work to go to class and left out the front of the building where I was dismayed to see that he had just ditched the box...
3 tags
About France
Je peux parler francais, mais je deteste francais.
Actually, I really could care less about France (I would have typed this, but I haven’t learned how to say I could care less). They helped us fight in the revolutionary war, and they gave us the statue of liberty, and lesser known, but probably more awesome, a statue of george washington in a toga. However, I’ve noticed lots of people...
mailroom burn #2
Guy standing outside of mailroom looking in his box: You know what else is your duty as my roommate?
Roommate of guy: What?
Guy still looking in his box: You need to tell me when I'm being a tool so I'll learn to stop. Damnit! Where is my package!? Why isn't it here yet?!
Me sitting in mailroom on computer: You're being a tool!
Everyone but the guy: Hahahahaha
Tool Guy: Hey, who said that in there!?
-M
Mailroom Burn
(A girl comes up with her two friends.)
Girl: "I think I have a package..."
Me: "Do you have a slip?"
Girl: "Yeah, but not with me. Can you just give me my package?"
Me: "Uh..." (No.)
Girl: "It's my bike."
Me: "Oh, you're the bike girl."
(Her friends laugh. I begin searching for the place for her to sign.)
Girl: "Is it big...?"
Me: "Well, I'd say it's probably about the size of your bike."
(Her friends go "oooh!" and laugh at her.)
- N
September 2009
9 posts
