Because an unusually large amount of mail has gone missing this year, our door was replaced with a door that has a fob lock on it. Along with that, every employee of the mail room received their very own fob that they not only get to carry around with them (instead of having to get the key from one of the mail boxes every time you come to work), but also they monitor every time you use it to go inside the mail room! Each one is traceable to you, I mean. Very Orwellian.

Anyway, today is the first day with these new devices and I went to the bathroom once and then got some water from the cafeteria and then bought a Big Kat from the vending machine, closing the door each time I left. I felt really weird unlocking the door each time because I’m afraid that tomorrow “they” are gonna come up and be like “WHY’D YOU KEEP OPENING THE DOOR?!”

So, to save you the trouble, CIA: that’s why.

- N